The 6 Human Needs and How They Affect Our Behaviour

Burnout, overwhelm, imposter syndrome, self-sabotage.

Trying to find value in myself through the eyes of others.

Constantly chasing evidence of my worth.

Doing whatever it takes to have my needs met by others.

Addiction, promiscuity, manipulation, micromanagement, self-sacrifice, martyrdom, victimhood…

Flopping from one extreme to the other.

Being the competent leader in the workplace and the incompetent parent and partner at home.

Then I learnt about the six human needs and how they affect our behaviour. By appreciating and learning about the basic 6 human needs that govern the choices you make, you will better understand yourself and the people around you.

Our behaviour is motivated by the fulfilment of the 6 human needs that go well beyond desires and wants.

Everybody has these six needs, although the order of importance may vary from individual to individual. Our most dominant 2 needs will govern the choices and actions that we take as they are the underlying drivers for our achievement.

The six human needs are: certainty, uncertainty/variety, significance, connection/love, growth, and contribution.

Each of the six human needs can have both positive and negative traits, resourceful and un-resourceful behaviours associated with meeting these needs in a healthy or unhealthy way.

We will go through each of the needs with examples of these resourceful and un-resourceful behaviours, of which, I would suggest that most of us have experienced doing ourselves.

• Certainty

  We all have a need for certainty, safety, security, stability, and predictability in our lives. We like to feel secure in our jobs, our relationships, our homes. We would like to avoid pain if possible and want assurances that our needs are being met.

  When we lack certainty, we can become overwhelmed, panicked, or stressed. When we have too much certainty, we can get bored and unmotivated.

  Resourceful behaviours: Cleaning, foundation routine, rituals, organisation, backing oneself, certainty of self, allowing yourself to be who you need to become in order to handle problems.

  Un-resourceful behaviours: Overeating, controlling others, watching hours of the tv instead of having a life, being in a rut, obsessive-compulsive behaviour, procrastination.

• Uncertainty/variety

  In direct opposition to certainty, the need for variety and uncertainty. So, we want certainty, we also crave change, excitement, and new stimuli. Variety allows us to feel alive and engaged.

  Too much uncertainty will bring us fear, and not enough will cause boredom. People with a high need for variety may come across as risk-takers and may also seek out conflict and crisis situations to make them feel alive.

  Resourceful behaviours: Taking on new challenges, playfulness, embracing adventure, changing the meaning of an event (reframe), different hobbies, creativity.

  Un-resourceful behaviours: Overwhelm, substance abuse, intoxication, channel surfing, self-sabotage, creating drama and problems for ourselves so we have something to do.

  NOTE: Certainty and uncertainty/variety are both parts of the same pie. If someone’s need for certainty is 70%, then their need for uncertainty/variety is 30%.

• Significance

  Deep down we all need to feel important, unique, and special. We want our life and our work to have meaning, importance, and significance.

  This can be attained by becoming a high achiever or by having many people report to us as it makes us feel important, special, and wanted. This may also show up as being overly competitive and performance-driven.

  Resourceful behaviours: Leader of self and others, volunteer work, speaking up (assertiveness), achieving goals, mastery in their field of endeavour.

  Un-resourceful behaviours: Putting others down, promiscuity, gossip, victimhood, martyrdom, lying in a way that gets them caught, rebellion.

• Connection/love

  Everybody strives for a level of connection and affiliation with people around them and wants to feel part of a larger community. We want to be loved and cared for and we want a feeling of closeness or union with like-minded people.

  The need for love and connection is based on blending in and wanting to belong and be similar to others in the group.

  Resourceful behaviours: Sharing and supporting others, connecting through nature, faith, self-love, self-worth, your truth, unconditional love, and interdependent relationships.

  Un-resourceful behaviours: Being needy, engaging in self-harm, unhealthy relationships, connection through problems i.e., drug misuse, manipulation, “If you don’t love me, I will hurt myself.”

  Note: in some ways, we could say that connection/love is the opposite of significance. If we are 100% committed to the team, then we lose our sense of significance, or if we are the leader, then we may lose our sense of connection as we are required to differentiate ourselves and stand out as the leader of the pack.

• Growth

  As human beings we all have a desire to grow and expand in our personal and professional lives. People are most happy when they are making progress. We all need something to strive for, something to challenge us to grow and expand emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially, and intellectually.

  Resourceful behaviours: Life-long learning, pursuit of mastery, learning to teach.

  Un-resourceful behaviours: Information gathering without application.

• Contribution

  The sixth human need is the desire to make a difference and to contribute to a greater good. This is the need to help, serve, and support someone or something bigger than ourselves in a meaningful way.

  As human beings, we have a desire to contribute something of value, whether that is manifested through community, family, or society.

  Resourceful behaviours: Paying it forward, donating to charity, volunteering, helping people, and doing things for others.

  Un-resourceful Behaviours: Martyrdom, giving without learning to take care of self, giving to receive.

Once I understood these 6 human needs, my behaviours began to make sense to me. These needs were the motivation for my behaviour. I was simply trying to meet these needs. I just didn’t know how to do it in a healthy way.

The way to lasting satisfaction and fulfilment is through the last three needs: the need for connection, growth, and contribution. If we attempt to reach fulfilment through certainty, variety and significance alone, we will fall short.

The problem with a high reliance on the certainty is that no matter how much we seek to control our surroundings, we will never be able to gain complete certainty, as we live in a world of constant change.

The issue with significance is that no matter where we look, we will always be able to find someone who is more significant than us. If we let our need for significance dominate, we end up as people that are more concerned with personal reputation than adding value to the client.

The best strategy for lasting satisfaction and sustained drive is to recognise that your work is part of your purpose and to look at ways in which your needs can be met by the career that you do.

True leaders are not just doing a job, they are doing a purposeful job that fulfils their need for growth and contribution.

The six human needs and how to have these needs met in the most healthy ways is one of the many learnings we teach in our practitioner training.

We will support you to bring awareness to your limitations so that you can smash through them and live the life you truly desire and deserve.

Click here to book your training consultation today!