Dating is NOT a Relationship.

A relationship takes time, work, intention, and compromise. Dating is how we learn what we like in a partner, as well as what we want to avoid. 

Sometimes these two concepts are confused, and dating is approached as if the groundwork has already been developed and the next step is sex, love, and moving in together. 

While these stages are fun and exciting to think about, moving too fast can result in disappointment and frustration. 

We want to be as intentional with our prospects for a committed relationship as we are when buying a house, a car, or anything else for that matter. 

The first step to being purposeful when dating, is to value yourself. 

Why? Because you will pick a partner who values you to the same level that you value yourself. 

If you do not think of yourself as valuable, worthy, and loveable, neither will your partner. A simple way to value yourself is to pay attention to your needs and meet them. 

If you are hungry, eat. If you are sad, comfort yourself. Having self-worth and value also help you identify what you require from others. 

When you know what you require, you are quickly able to recognize dating concerns, or red flags. 

The more you value yourself, those red flags become deal breakers. 

At times, it is tempting to ignore the red flags, or deal breakers, because the heart is focused on the areas that feel good. 

The brain, however, must also get on board with determining if what the heart is attracted to is healthy and wise. Letting only the heart decide is not making full use of the other aspects of good decision making. 

Just like when buying that new pair of shoes. The heart wants them, and the brain reminds us that we need to wait until they go on sale. Your brain can help set those boundaries where the heart sometimes struggles. 

Falling in love is fun, magical, and temporary. Building a sustaining loving relationship takes time, investment, effort, and work. 

The heart wants to get lost in the infatuation and lust that occurs in the beginning, and the brain can set those healthy permeable boundaries that protect us from losing ourselves in the relationship. 

To lose oneself in a relationship signifies a lack of boundaries. 

Take your hands and clasp them together, fingers intertwined. This is a lack of boundaries, or enmeshment, and looks like someone losing her sense of self. 

Now take your hands into fists linking just the pinkies together like a pinkie swear. This symbolizes a healthy dynamic, where two people come together with healthy permeable boundaries. 

Each partner is a separate individual and there is a crossover where the relationship lives. 

This is interdependence which is achieved when you value yourself, choose a partner using your brain and heart, and sets you up for a healthy, happy and satisfying relationship.