The 6 Human Needs - Part 1/6

Burnout, overwhelm, imposter syndrome, self-sabotage.

Trying to find value in myself through the eyes of others.

Constantly chasing evidence of my worth.

Doing whatever it takes to have my needs met by others.

Addiction, promiscuity, manipulation, micromanagement, self-sacrifice, martyrdom,

victimhood…

Flopping from one extreme to the other.

Being the competent leader in the workplace and the incompetent parent and partner at home.

The I learnt about the six human needs and how they affect our behaviour.

By appreciating and learning about the the needs that govern the choices you make, you will better understand yourself and the people around you. Our behaviour is motivated by the fulfilment of the 6 human needs that go well beyond desires and wants. Everybody has these needs, although the order of importance may vary from individual to individual, and our most dominant 2 needs will govern the choices and actions that we take as they are the underlying drivers for our achievement.

The six human needs are:

• certainty

• uncertainty/variety

• significance

• connection/love

• growth, and:

• contribution.

Each of the six human needs can have both positive and negative traits, resourceful and un-resourceful behaviours associated with meeting these needs in a healthy or unhealthy way.

In this article, we will go through each of the needs with examples of these resourceful and un-resourceful behaviours of which I would suggest that most of us have experienced ourselves.

The first of the 6 human needs we will explore is the need for Certainty.

Certainty is the first of 4 needs of the Personality.  Put another way, it’s our need for comfort, control, security, predictability, to know something for sure.  We all have a need to be able to breath out, to feel calm and to feel like we can relax.  Certainty is what keeps us sane and the cortisol levels (the stress hormone) within a manageable range. 

Our need for certainty is what determines how we handle risk – whether we are risk-seeking / comfortable with risk, or risk-averse. We all have a need for certainty, safety, security, stability, and predictability in our lives. We like to feel secure in our jobs, our relationships, our homes. We would like to avoid pain if possible and want assurances that our needs are being met.

Life is about balancing what we can control versus what we can’t, our routine is important to us.  Many of us dress a certain way so that we feel precise, ready, and professional.  We keep our cars, our houses, our phones, our computers in a particular way so that we can find things and so that we maintain a feeling of control and order where we can. It’s human nature to seek a level of certainty and security and only when we feel that we have it in the desired areas, can we relax in other areas and “let go”.

The human need for certainty is why our biggest need in relationship with one another is trust.  Regardless of the nature of the relationship, it cannot continue unless there is at least some basis for trust, and the level of that trust determines the level of success of the relationship.  Trust means that we know something for sure.  We can make certain calculations based on what we feel are the parameters of that relationship and this makes us feel secure.  The greatest destroyer of relationship (be it business or personal) is a betrayal of trust.  Regardless of the way in which the trust was betrayed, it shakes the foundation of certainty, and therefore hits at one of our greatest core needs and calls everything into question. 

Our need for certainty is why more people prefer to earn a steady pay check than become an entrepreneur.  Most people like to know for sure what their capacity at the end of the month will be.  Those who follow entrepreneurship seek a different kind of certainty.  Predominantly, they seek the certainty of dictating their own terms and value it over the certainty of a steady pay-check – control of their time, control of their value, control of the other remaining human needs we’ll come to discuss.

When we have too much certainty, we can get bored and unmotivated. Left unchecked, it can lead to elongated periods of procrastination and feelings of dissatisfaction in life.

When we lack certainty, we can become overwhelmed, panicked, or stressed. We can even become fearful of the world. You don’t have to go very far to find the behaviour that marks this need not being met.  We all sit somewhere on the spectrum – some of us need more control than others to feel safe, and some of us are able to relax with relatively low levels of certainty. 

We all know someone who’d be described as “highly strung” as well as their laid-back opposite who never seems to get off the couch.  The only difference between these two people is that one overtly seeks control/security/certainty over as much as possible, whilst the other may feel they have so little control that they seek it where they can – in their own decision to not get off the couch which they will defend and reason to the death.

This human need for certainty is what sends a 3-year old into a spiral if you don’t cut their sandwiches the right way.  It’s what destabilises only children when they become a sibling. It’s what rattles our cages when we feel competition, have our offices, responsibilities or routines moved or messed with, can’t get the things we previously took for granted (like water, electricity, fuel, and cash), or don’t know where our lives are headed over the next immediate period of time.  This need is why we behave badly when people let us down, queue jump, or act in ways that we deem to be short-sighted.

When we lose control or perceive that we’re out of control in one area, we (often subconsciously) try and gain control in another area to maintain balance.  Grown adults whose certainty has been threatened may turn into children as their emotions overflow and they act out. Addiction can be the result of seeking certainty where you have none – even when that certainty is that you know how to make the feelings you can’t process go away.

Resourceful behaviours: Cleaning, foundation routine, rituals, organisation, backing oneself, certainty of self, allowing yourself to be who you need to become in order to handle problems.

Un-resourceful behaviours: Overeating, controlling others, watching hours of tv instead of having a life, being in a rut, obsessive compulsive behaviour, procrastination.

Can you see you in the past, or in the present?